It seems that lately the only thing I’ve felt like sharing and writing about is music. And why not? It is a driving force in my life and has been since I was a child (my grandmother used to tell me that she knew I’d be a singer based on how I wailed as a baby 😉 ). Surprisingly it is a force that I don’t publicly speak about a great deal (I was recently surprised to read my Twitter profile where I mention things I love and music is not listed).

The point is I love music, perhaps more than anything else in life. It is the universal language that can transcend cultures, conflict, pain, happiness, sorrow, joy. I’ve had the unique experience of speaking music with people of many different cultures and backgrounds and am consistently amazed at how common ground is found with something so simply complex. If I had one true love in life, it would be music.

So perhaps this will be my forum for sharing the music I love; the music that moves and touches my life. I’ve written about so many different things here, it seems music is something that never fades, my passion for it remaining resolute.

The Indigo Girls are a band that have been around for about 30 years, most of my life. I didn’t really become of fan of them until I went off to college, but as soon as I heard them, I was in love. Their ability to write lyrics that touch the soul may perhaps be unmatched (in my humble opinion). They also have two voices made for each other, their harmonies perfection. They move as one and are unified in their vision to speak the truth through song.

This is perhaps one of my favorite songs about how Emily upon reading Virginia Woolf’s diary, was changed by what Ms. Woolf had to say.

Subsequently, the title of this post is from another Indigo Girls song called Strange Fire, in case you care to look it up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjgnZco5riI

Today was Scott Johnson’s funeral in Doncaster, England. My memories of Scott are those of a man who truly loved his work, a quick wit and always a kind word for everyone he came across. My friend Martin was able to attend the service and mentioned this song was played. So fitting…RIP Scott.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYz4YTze6OQ

This morning I came across this video which brought tears to my eyes. I am constantly amazed by the power of music. Not only by how it can inspire, drive, lift spirits, but clearly as you watch this video, how it can bring people back to themselves. This is the true beauty of music and why I love it as much as I do. It is the most powerful “weapon” in the world. But unlike other weapons, it doesn’t destroy…it instills hope, joy and peace.

Love this tee by Justin Helton

You can find it on fab.com – http://fab.com/sale/4494/product/100620/

I’ve been thinking recently about my life and the things that I’ve learned…and had to learn again. And while this idea of writing to “your 17 year old self” is not original or new, it made me think that while I have no regrets, I wish I could somehow whisper a few words of wisdom to the angsty teenager that was me at the time. So here is my list, minus the humorous and obvious things you’d say such as, “do whatever you can to work at Google in the early days”…

1. Take school more seriously – I wasn’t a horrible student by any means, but I wish I would’ve developed better habits of studying when I was younger, as well as taken my classes in high school a bit more seriously.

2. Don’t settle for less than you deserve/desire – This is one I’ve struggled with my whole life. And while I think most humans tend to do this in some way, shape or form at some point in life, I think it bears constant reminding. It ties in nicely with my next one which is,

3. Set high expectations – I often hear people say they set their expectations low so as not to be disappointed. But why do we do this? To protect ourselves from disappointment? What exactly is wrong with being disappointed? We use that word and feeling in such a negative sense, like we should be ashamed of it. At the end of the day, protecting yourself is not always the best thing. It’s a short term fix instead of a solution.

4. Spend more time with your parents – having lost my Dad at a relatively young age, I will forever live with the guilt of not spending as much time as I could with him. And while I know many people might scoff at the idea of spending more time with their parents, I only can say that I had a great Dad. And I wish I would’ve been able to learn more about him and from him while he was here.

5. Don’t be ashamed of your feelings – As most of my friends and family know, I have always been emotive. My Dad used to call me his “little Sarah Bernhardt. “Express, not repress” has always been a go to statement of mine. I wear my heart on my sleeve and it’s hard for me to hide my feelings, be it good or bad. But there have been many occasions where I’ve been made to feel guilty or ashamed of how I feel. And at the end of the day, it’s rarely served me well to not let my emotions and feelings have their say. I know many would disagree with this, but I stand firm in my belief that you should allow yourself to feel…these things are natural and true.

6. Don’t doubt your capabilities – Straight forward. I think I’d be in quite a different place right now if I had worried less about failing at something, rather than just doing and/or trying it out.

7. Eat better, exercise more – This one may sound a bit like a joke, but it’s so true. I think of what a struggle it is now to try to stick with a healthy diet and work out regularly. If I had learned better habits in my youth, I think it would be much easier now.

8. Be wiser with your money – Something that I think parents really should instill in children is the value of a dollar. I think my parents failed a bit here with me. I wish someone would’ve taught me better saving habits so I could have started at a younger age to be smarter with my money.

9. Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero– “Seize the Day, putting as little trust as possible in the future”….Horace had it right. So many things I’ve talked about are on the serious side, but at the end of the day, life is fleeting. There’s a quote I love from the play, Steel Magnolias: “I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special“. It’s a balance you should really strive for, but there are moments that will pass you by if you don’t take them. Take more of those moments.

And lastly,

10. Be okay with being you – I would say this not only to my 17-year old self, but to my 21-year old self, my 25-year old self, my 30-year old self and even my 34-year old self. In this day and age we are in constant awareness of the things that people are saying, doing, being, creating, etc. It is easy to get wrapped up in what you think you “should” be and what you think you “should” be doing. But where does that get you? Never really knowing yourself and learning about who you are. This, more than anything, would I tell 17-year old Melanie: You are unique, you are worthy and you are amazing because you are you. Do not try to be something you are not for this will only set you further back. Be you and bask in the pure beauty of knowing who you are and what you want, standing tall and proud, knowing your truth.

Photo from http://www.rajasthanhotelspackages.com/

I wake up before the sun rises, laying in bed contemplating when my alarm will go off, dreading the bee-bee-bee-beeep bee-bee-bee-beep, the sound of reality reaching out through a banged up twenty-two year old piece of plastic, run on a AA Battery, slamming the snooze button down hard enough to shut it off, but not shut off life, roll out of bed to the sound of cracks in my not so young  body, rubbing the crusty sleep out of my eyes, walking blindly toward the bathroom to perform my daily ablutions, the routine of it all not lost on me, this monotonous journey of reality, not the anticipated reality of my youth, traveling through the hot, sandy Sahara desert on camel back, turban wrapped around my head like the Maharaja that I surely would become, nor the white sandy beach, warmed by the touch of a tropical sun, watching the sun set over a clear, calm sea.

I drive down bumpy roads, marred by the plethora of trucks, cars and bikes that make there way through this concrete jungle, past the old barber shop with the red and white candy cane striped pole, well past it’s expiration date, the red more burnt orange now, next to the polished, sleek and gentrified NOPA, the contrast so completely different, you’d expect them to be in two different towns, let alone next door, passing by the mural wall that changes from week to week, laser eyed cats to stark white paint — a reminder of what a diverse and crazy city this is, on to the motorway with all the zombie automaton-like humans, doing their routine, blindly, with little to no passion as they drink their bitter, hot coffee from one of 50 Starbucks in a 7×7 radius.

Sometimes my mind gets pulled from the automation of it all, in the direction of adventure, of freedom, of bliss – I hear laughter and passionate cries of a life well lived…..like bubbles.

I sit, I stand, I stare, I piss, I lecture, and listen and talk, in various order for 9 to 10 hours of the day, heading back on the motorway, the mid-day sun that promised life as I stared out past my buzzing computer monitor, now setting behind the hill, a fraction of its warmth left on my steering wheel, a reminder of what has come and gone once again, zoning to the sound of the radio news anchors – Egypt, Libya, Syria, Japan, an annoying jingle for 1-877-CarsForKids that gets stuck in my head, yet I’m too numb to switch it off, battling past the same people in their metal cages, slowing, stopping, breaking, cursing as we put-put our way to our homes.

Climbing back under the same covers I left this morning, slightly less fresh, my head crashes to the pillow in exhaustion, in defeat, knowing the routine will start again tomorrow, looking forward to escape, I yearn for my real life, the life of my dreams, my hidden reality that will one day expose itself – just not tomorrow.

This was a writing assignment for the current class I’m taking, written without stopping for 10 minutes. The assignment: try to mimic the form/style of Ellery Aker’s piece, What I Do.

I’ve been rather quiet on this blog for various reasons. Mostly because I wasn’t sure what sort of purpose I wanted it to serve. It seems most of the time my friends and family can keep up with me on Facebook and Twitter. So I sort of laidlow and decided I’d wait to see what could develop for this blog. I’m still thinking about it although I have a few more concrete ideas that I’ll share as they develop.

In the meantime, I’ve taken inspiration from another blog I follow to create a Gratitude List. The idea is to create a list of 10 things you are grateful for, especially when you are feeling down or have lost perspective. With all the craziness of this year, I still have to count my blessings each day for the amazingness that is my life.

So here is my Gratitude List. I hope you’re inspired to do one of your own and post it on your blog…or if you don’t have a blog, write it down and post it somewhere to remind you of all that you have in your life.

I’m grateful for…

1)My health. So many people I know (or their family members) have been stricken with horrible accidents, diseases, etc this year. I’m so grateful that I have a relatively  healthy body and mind.

2) My family. I’ve realized that having a warm, loving, caring and supportive family is more rare than I would have thought. Thanks to my parents, brother, aunts, uncles and cousins for always being there for me and showing your unconditional love and support.

3)My boyfriend, Andrei. We’ve been together as a couple for over a year and friends for over 2 years. I still can’t believe he’s been able to put up with me this long, but I’m so thankful he has.

4)My friends. Too many to list by name, but I’m so blessed to have so many wonderful friends. My SF friends, my Choral Project friends and all those before and in between,  especially my 3B’s – you know who you are. They continue to entertain me, make me laugh and make me think. I have the best friends a girl could ask ever ask for.

5) My job. I’ve been fortunate to have survived the economic mess our country has been in the past few years and have kept a wonderful job with an even more wonderful company. While I may complain from time to time, I know how incredibly lucky I am to be where I am right now.

6) My home…aka San Francisco. With all its quirks (crazy homeless people, MUNI delays and pot-holed streets), I still think it’s one of the best places in the world to live. I have to remind myself how many people would love to live here and cannot afford it.

7)The Internet. As corny as it sounds, I’m grateful it’s around to keep up with all the goings-on of my friends and family. Life is so busy, at least I can keep up digitally if not in person.

8) Music. It’s very broad but I’m so grateful to have music in my life. Whether it be performing music or listening, it’s such a big part of me, I cannot imagine life without it.

9) Freedom. Again, broad but every time I heard of people being persecuted or jailed because of their beliefs, I realize how much I take for granted living here in the US. I’m thankful for basic civil liberties and the freedom to believe what I want to believe.

10) My love of discovering new things. Whether it be new places to travel or healthy living blogs, I’m always interested in finding and discovering new things. I’m grateful for this as it’s made me a better, more fulfilled person.

So I turn it to you…what are you grateful for? Do you recognize these basic things on a regular basis? I hope so and I hope you will continue the Gratitude List in whatever for you can…

Here's to 2011! Love, SFGirl

When you think about it, life is really made up of a bunch of routines. We get up, we go to school/work, we eat, we socialize, we sleep.  Granted, there are numerous variations one could have within a day – enough obviously to make every day just a little different. But in essence, humans are creatures of habit.

While searching for images on google for “routine” I saw something that made me pause.

I thought about this statement for a while. I think it’s all too easy to nod and say, yes, that’s true. But I actually don’t believe it is completely. Just because you have a routine doesn’t make you uncreative. As I said earlier, there are millions of variations of things people do that can in essence, be broken into categories/routines. And it also makes routine sound negative when in fact, I believe routines can be a positive aspect of life.

Take for instance this routine I’m trying to set in my life now. I want to be living a healthy life by eating healthy, whole foods, exercising to keep my body in shape and keeping balance so that my sanity is always intact. Sounds easy enough, but there are so many variables that can take you away from keeping this routine. I think about other routines in my life; waking up, eating breakfast, going to work. So easy, they have become no-brainers. I just do them without thinking about it. So how do I get these other things that I find important, into a routine?

It’s made me think a lot about how we as humans, create routine. I think first and foremost, it has to be something you feel strongly about and believe in. *check* Then, you must find ways in which you can make it real for you. Don’t just say you’re going to run 30 miles a week without having built up to it. Make it realistic. Too often I think we set a goal (that we’d like to be a routine) that is unrealistic and that just sets us up for failure. *check* Then…well, then you just have to keep forcing yourself to do it until it becomes a routine. This is the stage I’m at right now…and some days I’m motivated while other moments I am not. So I have to find little things that will help me along the way…in hopes that I won’t just want to be living a healthy, full life…I  will be.

How do you create routines in your life? What are the things you struggle most in accomplishing them?

I know, you thought this blog was dead…but it’s not.

After my last post about my Dad, I fell into a bit of writer’s block.  And also lost focus on what I wanted to write about on this blog.  I’m still trying to find that focus but will come back to it.  In the meantime, please follow my newest blogging adventures over at Pint Sized Musings.

I hope you’re all well!